In the end... Does it really matter.

So this week I am in Kingaroy for work. I like work trips. It lets me have some time to think. I guess this time, I wasn't ready to think. It's the Same thing. All the time. Tonight, I was tired. I had turned off the light and then boom... My fucking head decides now is the time to have a deep and meaningful with myself. I think way too much. I start counciling soon so that will be a good way to learn how to deal with letting go. I wrote tonight. Well, actually... I wrote just then. It just seemed to flow. They don't just flow anymore. They are normally hard work.

It's only when the lights go down I'm lonely,

Anxiety the biggest cause of this.

Just as I'm about to meet my slumber,

I start to think of all the things I miss.

The number one would be my one and only,

But everyday she's further from my clutch.

To wear my wedding ring again, if only...

To ask for this it truly is too much.

I've tried a thousand different ways to fix this, 

But knew the only answer all along.

I'm selfish having tried to get what I miss,

To you these thousand ways have all been wrong.

It's been over a year since life was better,

The hardest days I'm sure I'll ever live.

I've learnt that I have changed since I have met her,

Too late to prove I've better things to give.

I'm not exactly sure if she still reads my blog, or if anyone does for that matter. But writing it down helps. Not much else does at the moment.

until next time,

Sleep well.

Average dad.

Some days, it just feels great to get home.

So... Life has been very up and down lately. More down then up it seems. I spend most days thinking about the huge mistake I made and how I can make it better but I know that I can make it better by doing nothing at all. Just leave life to its course. Easier said then done... Hahaha. Today just seemed like one of those days that didn't want to end but as everything does eventually, it did. Had a great play with the kids at the park yesterday even though it wasn't my weekend. It makes you smile knowing they are having fun.

Lately I have met some great musicians who I hope to collaborate with in the not so distant future. I miss music so much. I miss being that guy on the stage that belts out the tunes. Might have to move music a bit higher up on the list.

I'll share some more lyrics over the next week, just have to find the song book. I think I know where it is, just hope it's still in one piece.

Until next time, take it easy.

 average dad

Average Aussie Dad - No One Else To Blame

No one else to blame by Shane Finney A sense of unexposure to a world of mystery. Blackened now they follow you so blackened now you'll be. Your daring me now to forgive you making sure i do my best. The trouble and misfortune lay sprawled upon my chest. Unintentionally i fall into a sleep where i'm unknown. I drift into the aftermath where my spirit has not grown. I feel the walls become me and the air is getting thin. I must release my anger and unleash the beast within. And i hear the thunder Making music on my mind And i often wonder how i became so damn unkind. I'll never lay in silence trying to think things through but my thoughts will always wonder when will i stop blaming you? A moment in my madness and you'll know just how i feel. Together we could end this and the final laugh we'll steal. Now stand upon this mountain and we'll watch the clouds roll through The wind and i become one and now the rain is here for you And i hear the thunder making music on my mind. and i often wonder, when i became so damn unkind. I'll never lay in silence, I'll scream if i do but my thoughts will always wonder, and i'll forever be blaming you. Shane Finney - Copyright 2007

Mirror mirror. One of my all time favourite writes.

Mirror Mirror by finnmister Mirror mirror on the wall how dare you treat me so. For years now you've deceived me with the direction i must go. I wake up in the morning and i ask you the same old thing. When will my life get better when will i grow my own wings. Mirror mirror on the wall why do you act so wrong? I've looked at you for hours remembering a life long gone. A premium sideshow act with a star that never was. One day i'll turn against you and i'll give you just because. Mirror mirror on the wall I place my hand on you. Then clench my fist in anger and i show you someone new. No more can i look at you all broken on the floor. Now i see my broken image like so many times before. mirror mirror on the wall how does blood taste to you? Can you taste the anger burning in which my veins it used to? Mirror mirror on the wall, I've grown myself some wings... Shane Finney - Copyright 2007

First Christmas alone

So,  it's my first christina in spending without who I thought would be my life partner.  Just have this sad feeling.  Maybe they will start to get easier but this one,  it hurts.

Life... Is a shit of a thing sometimes

Been a while since I have written a blog.  Maybe it is something I will do more of.  I'm taking a break from music for a while so I think I might start sharing with you,  some of the lyrics i have written over the years.  I do have a few old faves in the mix.  If they do have a song linked,  I'll also try and dig that out too so you can see what context it was used in.  I have played some killer shows with killer musicians in my time.  I just think more isn't the time for me to be getting into something new.  Something old maybe if the opportunity cane about.  I'm currently going through a separation.  Have been for about 10 months now.  I guess it's getting to the critical stage where I need to either sink or swim.  It's my own fault.  I could of prevented this.  This is the first time I have mentioned it in any form of social media.  That's how ashamed i am.  Anyway,  kids are well.  Phoenix starts prep next year,  Addison is in grade one and Jett,  growing into such a man.  Grade 5 next year.  I'm proud of all of them.  Anyway,  I'll dig some lyrics out and stay sharing.  I should probably get some sleep.  Santa comes tomorrow and i have done very excited children to entertain tonight.  Until next time,

You can leave your hat on.

Take my hand and walk with me...

Hi there. So, the thing about being an average dad, is the fact you deal with average things. Life throws you continuous curve balls and my wife and i are now facing another. It is dealing with depression in a 7 year old boy. My step son. I have seen this kid grow since he was 2 years, 3 months and 10 days (about)and now, he is facing one of life's many hurdles, bullies and his piers. Today, i took some time out to write something inspired for him. It goes like this...

There’s no need to close your eye’s son

I know exactly where you’ve been.

I’ve felt unwanted feelings,

I know what’s left unseen.

Your heavy heart will soon lift,

I’ll be there by your side.

Take my hand, now your first step…

C’mon son, let’s not hide.

I know it feels impossible

As if they’ve already won.

But it’s my job to teach you

All that I learnt as a son.

One day things will be different.

All the meanies moved away.

Trust me when I say to you

That life turns out okay.

Now take my hand and walk with me,

I’m right here by your side.

I’m not afraid to carry you,

Let’s fill ourselves with pride.

Along the way you’ll fall down,

Just remember I’m right here.

Now take that step and walk with me,

Away from all your fear.

  No matter what buddy, I will ALWAYS be your dad :D Hug someone close to you today, they will remember it tomorrow.