Christmas is meant to be the most wonderful time of year. Is there anyone else that doesn't feel this way?
For me, Christmas lost its spark around the time my grandfather passed away, on Christmas day. It took something away from my Mother and it has played a part in my Christmas periods since. This one is no different. It is the first in a while that I will be flying solo. My first since separating from my wife in April, I will see the kids on Christmas day for a couple of hours before they go and spend the day with their mother. My parents aren't even spending it together. My Mum will be in NSW and my Dad in Hervey Bay alone.
I can't explain how I am emotionally at the moment but I think the below might help with some understanding for those around me.
There's a darkness that surrounds
almost everything I do.
I'll point a torch right at it
but nothing shining through.
It's overcast and gloomy
within this frame of mind.
I'm feeling quite dejected,
emotionally I'm blind.
I see the world around me
move a million miles an hour.
The words that I am searching,
seem to cause an awkward cower.
It always seems to rain
within this head of mine.
"Everything will be okay"
Bullshit, I don't feel fine.
The bottom isn't somewhere
that I want to go again.
I've stared it down too many times,
This time I'll take the reign.
If life was not a challenge
then I'm sure I've never grown.
I know some days are diamonds
and the others just like stone.
