Miserable

As i get older,  i start to see things clearer with the way I am treated by my own parents.  I think about it and realise that is always been the same.  I'm the youngest of 3 and in those 3 there is a pecking order.  The older 2 at the top and me trailing in last. I've never really fitted in with society. I'm okay with that. I have learnt to deal with that.  Not to say it doesn't hurt still hurt but there is nothing I can do about it.  I've started seeing things in my own family life. It feels as if my folks like my brother and sisters kids more then they like mine.  Same as though it feels as if my parents like my brother and sister more then they actually like me.  I moved away from them in my early twenties.  I could go weeks or even months without hearing from them.  Sometimes I'd even purposely not ring just to see how long it would take for them to call.  I thought that moving my family from the gold coast to toowoomba would give me a better connection to my family.  I was wrong.
13 months into a separation and I'm still miserable.  I'm 31 and i live in a shoebox of a room at my parents house. I'm not fully enjoying my job as much as I thought I would,  I'm miserable,  I've come to the realisation that my marriage won't be getting back together and i haven't had a best friend in my life in almost 2 decades.  I'm climbing out of this rut that I'm in.  I'm climbing as hard as I can.  As soon as I see some form of light towards the top of the well,  something else happens.
There has to be more to life then this because right now,  it sucks.